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At xxx point, I caught you staring at me and you immediately averted your eyes. You pulled a book out of your bag and started reading it -- a biography of Lyndon -- but I noticed you never once turned a page. My stop was Union Square, but at Union Square I decided to stay on, rationalizing that I could just as easily transfer to the x at x nd Street, but then I didn't get off at x nd Street either. You must have missed your stop as well, because when we got all the way to the end of the line at , we both just sat there in the car, waiting. I cocked my head at you inquisitively. You shrugged and held up your book as if that was the reason. Still I said nothing. We took the train all the way back down -- down through Astoria, across the East River, weaving through midtown, real bdsm ad please read fun Silver Gate Montana fellowship from Times Square to Square to Union Square, under and Chinatown, up across the bridge back into Brooklyn, past and Prospect Park, past Flatbush and Midwood and Sheepshead Bay, all the way to Coney Island. And when we got to Coney Island, I knew I had to say something. Still I said nothing. And so we went back up. Up and down the Q line, over and over. We caught the hour crowds and then saw them thin out again. We watched the sun set over Manhattan as we crossed the East River. I gave myself deadlines: I'll talk to her before Newkirk; I'll talk to her before Canal. Still I remained silent. For months we sat on the train saying nothing to each other. We survived on bags of skittles sold to us by raising money for their basketball teams. We must have heard a million mariachi bands, had our faces nearly kicked in by a hundred thousand break dancers. I gave money to the beggars until I ran out of singles. When the train went above ground I'd get text messages and voicemails ("Where are you? What happened? Are you okay?") until my ran out of battery. I'll talk to her before daybreak; I'll talk to her before Tuesday. The longer I waited, the harder it got. What could I possibly say to you now, now that we've passed this same station for the hundredth time? Maybe if I could go back to the first time the Q switched over to the local R line for the weekend, I could have said, "Well, this is inconvenient," but I couldn't very well say it now, could I? I would kick myself for days after every time you sneezed -- why hadn't I said "Bless You"? That tiny gesture could have been enough to pivot us into a conversation, but here in stupid silence still we sat. 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I wanted to comfort you, wrap my arms around you, assure you I knew everything would be fine, but it felt too familiar; I stayed glued to my seat. xxx day, in the middle of the afternoon, you stood up as the train pulled into Queensboro Plaza. It was difficult for you, this simple task of up, you hadn't done it in sixty years. Holding onto the rails, you managed to get yourself to the door. You hesitated briefly there, perhaps waiting for me to say something, giving me xxx last chance to stop you, but rather than spit out a lifetime of suppressed -conversations I said nothing, and I watched you slip out between the closing sliding doors. It took me a few more stops before I realized you were really g xxx I kept waiting for you to reenter the subway car, sit down next to me, rest your head on my shoulder. Nothing would be said. Nothing would need to be said. When the train returned to Queensboro Plaza, I craned my neck as we entered the station. 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